Next Year, Be A Man
I grew a beard this weekend.
Yep. It’s my usual anti-establishment style. I’m so SICK of the sexifying of women’s costumes, that this year - I decided to dress up… as a man.
It was a statement, and it was simple. A tie, some spirit gum, a bit of blood spatter and voila! I was transformed into my personal pop-culture hero, Shaun. Shaun of the Dead.
And my beautiful nine-year old boy, Mr. P, was my Zombie.
We set out with pillowcases along the sidestreets of Roncesvalles, where the Chinook-like temperatures had people hanging out on their front porches, laughing and cranking ‘Thriller’ from dollar store ghetto blasters.
The scene? Me, aka Shaun, trying valiantly to grab some great low-light pictures. Mr. P, aka Zombie, running madly from house to house.
Line of the night?
Parker: “Mom, that lady was speaking a different language.”
Me: “That’s OK honey, I think ‘Trick or Treat’ and ‘Thank You’ are universal.”
Watching proud parents parade their babies, and doing a little reminiscing of my own about years past pushed me to ponder:
“When does the switch get thrown for little girls? When does it become time to put away the demure Dora the Explorer and instead opt for the overt Officer Pat U Down?”
The easy answer to this is, of course, that society in general is making children grow up more quickly, and that from age 8 onward young girls are deducing that real strength = sex. Use it or lose it and pull out those miniskirts now girls, better get on that train early. Cause gawd knows that once you hit 40, the free rides are over.
My take? The push to make pre-pubescent girls more provocative, and the sexifying of women’s Halloween getups in general is the result of one thing.
Women have no unsexy pop culture icons to emulate. Because to be a pop culture icon, first you have to be popular. And to be popular as a woman - you have to be sexually provocative.
Take my personal favourite female pop culture icon of late - Angelina Jolie as Lara Croft in Tomb Raider. She’s smart, she’s strong - and she’s a superhero. But sadly, if I want to dress up as THAT for Halloween I need to invest in a DD bra and a case of toilet paper. Cause we all know that Lara Croft can be as spectacular as she wants - but folks, she ain’t nothin’ without her humongous breasts. Tomb Raider costume less the bazoongas = Epic Fail.
To contrast? Some of the most popular men’s getups.
Loose green T-shirt and some baggy brown pants? You’re Shaggy! Shiny silver attire and an axe? You’re the Tinman! Ridiculous yellow jumpsuit with matching ridiculous yellow hat? You’re the Man in the Yellow Hat from Curious George!
Indeed, superhero spandex and a speedo is about as sexy as it gets for the average heterosexual man. And unless you’re six foot somethin’ and spend five days out of seven at the gym - there’s not gonna be much that’s sexy about that.
Walking amongst the revellers on Church Street, my beard gave me a strange sense of empowerment AND peace. Looking around at all the Vixen Vikings and Naughty Nurses - uncomfortable to be sure in their bustiers and sky high heels - my Vans and button up white shirt was a small statement of non-conformity.
So my final thought? Fight the power. Next year, resist the urge to buy that Halloween costume that’s just a might too tight - and dress up instead, as your favourite man.
You’ll be doing young girls everywhere a favour.
And as for me? I’m saving my super sexy attire for where it belongs - the bedroom. People might just have to stop and wonder.. what’s beneath the surface of that a-sexual Shaun?
And isn’t that the true definition of sexy?
UPDATE: This column just went live on my favourite progressive journalism website - rabble.ca! Check it out! 
Tags: Allen, Angelina, boobs, church street, costumes, Halloween, Jolie, Mr. P, Raider, Roz, sexy, shaun of the dead, Tomb, Toronto, women
November 3rd, 2008 at 9:43 pm
Roz, think back to when you were a pre-teen/teenager. What were you dressing up as for halloween? I recall having been the following: an 80s punk rocker, a ‘baby girl’ in flannel pjs, an 80s punk rocker, a microwave (i put alot of work into spray-painting that box), an 80s punk rocker. The store-bought costumes that were on the market (which i never got to buy) rarely had a hint of ho in them. Witches costumes went to the floor, so did princess dresses - and you covered yourself up to brave the cold October night.
This is the ‘pre-teen’ section of a halloween costume website. These costumes start at sizes 7-8:
http://tinyurl.com/6pvv7v
Where on earth does one find ho boots for their 9-year-old?
This one comes in size 4-6:
http://tinyurl.com/6xxh75
She’ll case a sweet spell on you indeed, if you are a creepy pedophile.
So where did it all go awry? I don’t know, maybe its the products that we throw in little girls’ faces - have you seen what a Bratz doll looks like? Ho. Hannah Montana? Ho. Even the new Cabbage Patch Kids look a little suspect. Why are there America’s Next Top Model dolls? We may as well make ‘Rock of Love’ dolls.
What did we have? Holly Hobby, chubby, fully-clothed Cabbage Patch Kids, She-Ra - ok, she didn’t wear very much, but at least she kicked ass, and Jem worked at an orphanage by day and rocked out at night.
maybe if we stop buying crap this crap for the little girls around us, they’ll make less of it.
hmm?
November 4th, 2008 at 8:16 am
Ames, I couldn’t agree more.
My favourite pop culture icons growing up were Smurfette, Super Mario and of course - Strawberry Shortcake.
Named after a yummy fattening piece of scone or cake and infused with the scent of strawberries, all I needed to do to retain my childhood was hold her for ten minutes. From there, I’d head straight for the fridge. Nothing like 10 pounds of baby fat to keep those pedophiles at bay.
But I digress.
Let us join together and boycott all Bratz dolls and skimpy attire for our precious little ones. Maybe then Jon Lajoie could put away his rapist glasses, and the world would be a better place. Hmmm?
November 4th, 2008 at 8:24 am
Next Year, Be A Man at rabble.ca: http://www.rabble.ca/in_her_own_words.shtml?sh_itm=e7f4786abe2ca2b40e589eae2ca06efb&rXn=1&
November 5th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
Yes that’s the most important part! We decide to stop consuming and their sexist, greedy ideas get screwed!
At least we can GREATLY REDUCE our individual consumption…..don’t worry, each individual’s efforts all add up to big bucks out of their sleazy bottom line.
November 12th, 2008 at 12:41 am
“Women have no unsexy pop culture icons to emulate. Because to be a pop culture icon, first you have to be popular. And to be popular as a woman - you have to be sexually provocative. ”
This i think feeds into the whole situation as well. Skank=popular.
I think the “unsexy” part is also an unfair generalization as well.
This sounds like women can be only sexy or smart (the daphne vs velma argument if we are using scooby doo refrences.)
What a lot of this is missing is “class”.
When you look at women like Nicole Kidman, Mary-Louise Parker, Gwyneth Paltrow etc is that they have not chosen to portray themselves or their characters as pretty and dumb or sleazy.
Other popular chicks who haven’t done sleeze: Ellen, Oprah, Sally Jessy, Phylicia Rashad, Anna Kournikova, Faith Hill, Gwen Stefani,(?)
I agree with Daniela - we certainly need to stop supporting the Pussycat Girls.
At what point did parents think this types of costumes were ok for their daughters?
And as for the adults - some people are just looking for an excuse to wear this kind of clothing. After all there are only so many clubs out in TO isn’t there Roz?
November 12th, 2008 at 7:41 am
Nice take on this alpha. The sleazy versus sexy angle is one I hadn’t thought of. Question backatcha - when does one become the other??
November 13th, 2008 at 12:16 am
Well - I would have to say when it changes from provocative to pornographic.
When it’s something that should be restricted to a bedroom or a strip club.
You can be sexy wearing clinging dresses with cleavage and a bare back, and wear these at nights on the town.
If you are wearing things made of PVC, mesh, studded leather and or underwear on the outside (or just).
Instead of a dress with a bareback, you’ve got an outfit for riding bareback ( Hats and chaps).
But basically it comes down a lot to the attitude of the wearer,
look at Demi Moore, she always looks “sexy” even when she was nude both times on Vanity fair covers. But did she look sleazy in “Striptease”
Christina Aguilera was very sleazy when she first came one the scene, now she seems to have adopted a 40’s style look which is very classy and sexy.
And then there’s Brittany, Paris, Lindsey Lohan, …
November 13th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
I agree the younger girls at boy’s school leave nothing to the imagination with their costume choices. Keep in mind we live on the prairies where it is cold in October, still the fishnet stockings and short skirts were worn. Who gave the kids money for costumes like this?
I often wonder what message this sends to the next generation of boys, are we going to raise a generation that doesn’t command respect for themselves or
others?
What is this way of dressing suggesting to the next generation of soon to be maturing “men”?
November 13th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
Good call uwizzle. Where does societal responsibility end and parental obligation kick in??? We all know how hard it is to fight with our kids when they REEEEALLY REEEEEEALLY want to go as a particular icon for Halloween. But don’t we have to draw the line in the sand somewhere when it comes to letting our kids grow up too fast?
We can’t control the hormones in the milk, but we CAN control the fishnets and micro-minis. Right?
November 14th, 2008 at 12:10 am
Hey gang! Some great feedback over at rabble.ca: http://www.rabble.ca/babble/feminism/next-year-be-man-roz-allen#comment-960157
November 14th, 2008 at 8:49 am
jamie sent me this post after I twitter this:
“ah, the weeks after Halloween - where you get to see your friends’ facebook photos…and see who could make the most of their lingerie!”
seriously Roz - what pisses me off most is the lack of creativity. Fine, if you want to be ’sexy’ go ahead. I’m not against that. I do get that for some girls this is a chance to be a little wild.
But be creative about it. Not slutty. Throwing a garter belt with a cop/army/nurse/doctor uniform is NOT a real costume. YAWN!
I love your costume idea this year - way to be ahead of the game
z
November 14th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
I second that Zoe! Lack of creativity is key. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve tripped to the local costume shop, only to be disappointed by the packaged attire and lack of proper accessories.
Rick Salutin mentioned that next year I should forego pop culture iconography altogether, and instead go as an inanimate object perhaps?? Like a speaker or a carton of milk?? He may be on to something there….